8 weeks early....8 years later

I remember the day as if it were yesterday. Scott and I had gone to Target earlier in the evening to look for accessories for the babies' room.  We had finally ordered furniture to match the cribs and we needed a bookcase and lamp or something to put in that room.  I had picked up my bedding from Javis Davis earlier that morning and it seemed as if the nursery was finally coming together.  We were still 8 weeks from our due date and we settled in for the night feeling quite proud of ourselves after a long, productive day.

I remember telling Scott in Target that my back was really hurting and how I couldn't wait to get home and rest.  Little did I know that I was having back labor!  Rookie mom...I had no idea.

So, about 10:30 pm as I got ready for bed, my water broke.  And so began the journey of motherhood.  Two precious babies were born during the wee hours of November 7, 2004.  My life has never been the same.

Matthew weighed in at 5lbs. 4 ozs

 

Macy weighed in at 4lbs. 1/2 ozs

 

 

Because they were so early, sweet Macy began having trouble breathing.  She was put under the oxygen tent and we were not able to hold her.  Matthew was being monitored as well, so instead of bringing them to me in my room, they had to stay in the nursery.  But my awesome nurses rolled me right into the nursery after the c-section:

 



 

 This is me holding Matt for the first time :) It would be another week and a half before I held Macy.  She was transferred to Women's and Children's hospital within 24 hours of birth.  Here's a few pics of her in the NICU:

 

Macy was on a ventilator for about 2 days.  She stayed a total of about 3 weeks in the NICU.  We are so thankful for that hospital.

 





 

 

 

 

A little over 3 weeks later, we were all in the same house.  What a blessing!

 

 

Holding hands...



 

 

 

From that tiny to this:

 



 

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 To say that we are overwhelmed is an understatement.  God has truly blessed us with a beautiful family.  We are eternally grateful for his gifts.

 



 

Every good and perfect gift is from above.  James 1:17

 

 



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Chosen

Dear Matthew, Macy, and Harris,

As you grow up, I am finding it harder and harder to protect you from the hurts of this world. I would love to wrap each of you in my arms and shelter you from the hurtful words and actions of others. As you get older, you will notice that other people, even the people you love, will say and do things that hurt you.  I want you to know that I will do all that I can to protect you, but I am slowly realizing that being a good Mama sometimes means letting you experience these things because these are the very situations that will make you stronger.  They will define who you become.  They will help you appreciate the love that surrounds you. 

When I tell you that I have been where you are, I really mean it.  You see, I was always the fat kid that no one wanted to pick for their team. I wasn't good at sports and I never mastered cartwheels.  I wasn't the prettiest, most popular girl in school and I certainly wasn't the one that everyone wanted to be friends with.  I remember wanting so badly to have someone call me their best friend. At about 8 or 9 years old, I also remember how I felt when my friend said to me "I am not your best friend anymore."  I remember feeling so hurt, so betrayed, and so left out. 

But I soon discovered that I was good at some things.  I can play the piano, I can read music, and I can carry a tune.  I can lead...I loved being 4-H president, student council representative, and drum major at school.  I am a good learner and even now as a grown-up I enjoy school. 

Macy, you are a wonderful artist.  Your creativity and ability to design beautiful art amazes me.  You have already mastered that cartwheel and you are beginning to work on that back handspring.  You can play piano, read music, and carry a tune.  You are so smart as evidenced by your straight As and good conduct grades.  You keep us laughing with your silly humor.  Do you know how proud you make me?

Matthew, you are my smart, tenderhearted little boy.  Your straight As and your desire to learn are extraordinary.  The way that you seem to know how to make others feel special is a gift.  You are so good at helping others...I wish you understood how truly unusual that is for a 7 year old.  I stand in awe when I see you offer to carry your friend's backpack because she doesn't feel well.  Your thoughtfulness surpasses your years.  Your love for others inspires me. 

Harris, you are the joy that keeps this family moving.  Your crazy dances and your loud singing wake us up and help us to see the joy in all situations.  You are so loud, yet so tender at times too.  When you tell me "I love you more than I can say" my heart just melts.  Your willingness to go with the flow is appreciated.  Your admiration and affection for your big brother and sister is apparent in all you do.  I am so thankful for you.

My children, when this world tells you that you are not good enough for this sports team or that honors club or that cheer squad or this music group...I want you to remember that you were chosen.  You were chosen by the Creator of the stars and the moon.  You were chosen by the One that makes the birds sing.  You were chosen by the Maker of all good things.  And you were chosen by me.  Your value is not in the things of this world, but in the One that gave you to me. 

I love you more,

Mama

Isaiah 43:10
"You are my witnesses," declares the Lord, " and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he."

1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

 

Concussions Are Good!

That's right.  Thank goodness for concussions.  You see, a concussion is much better than all the horrible ideas swarming around in my head.  Last night my oldest son, Matt, enjoyed practicing with his 2nd grade football team just like he does every Monday afternoon.  Only this time, the hit that jarred his head was enough to land him in the Emergency Room. 

After the hit, my strong boy felt fine and didn't mentioned it to anyone. He continued to play with his teammates for about 30 minutes until his head starting hurting so badly that he began to cry.  He told his coach who then told Scott who was coaching another group of boys.  He complained of a severe headache and kept saying he "couldn't breathe good".  Within five minutes, Matt was vomiting right there on the practice field.  Scott brought him home immediately not quite sure what was going on. 

You know how we moms just know when something's not right?  The mother's intuition that God gives each of us did not fail me last night.  I could tell by the paleness on my sweet boy's face and the look in his eyes that this was not "just a bug" and he didn't "just get too hot" at practice.  Something was wrong.  And then he vomited again.  This was one of those moments as a Mom that my mind could not slow down.  Something is very wrong.

We are fortunate to have a pediatrician's group that offers night and weekend hours.  When I called to tell them that we needed to bring Matt in, I was greeted with "I'm sorry, but the pediatrician here tonight just got called into an emergency C-section."  Are you kidding me?  In my mind I was screaming "BUT MY CHILD HAS AN EMERGENCY TOO!"  I decided to call a friend of mine whose husband is an orthopedic doctor.  I know that this probably sounds crazy to many of you, but you have to realize that Scott and I were still trying to piece it all together.  But I must say when my friend said "Amy, you need to take him to the E.R.  Don't wait.  Take him on to the E.R. Matt needs a head CT scan.  I'm going to call ahead to tell them you are coming."  I seriously got scared. 

Scott loaded him up and off they went. I managed to get Macy and Harris to bed before I broke down.  Question after question began to spin around in my head.  How could this happen?  Why did I let him play football?  What kind of mother am I to not take him straight to the emergency room?

I prayed the entire time they were gone.  As I prayed, I asked God for protection and healing for Matt, wisdom for the doctors, and strength for Scott.  I can't begin to describe how God spoke to me during those two hours. Trust me.  Trust me.  Trust me.  Over and over, in only the way God can. He repeated those words ever so softly.

His power is supernatural and his faithfulness is unending.  I received a text from Scott after the CT scan that simply said "Everything is good!!  The CT scan does not show any swelling or bleeding."  Indeed, everything is good.  My God is good.  My son is good.  And for today, concussions are good.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.  Those who look to him are radiant, their faces are never covered with shame.  this poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.  The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.  Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.  Psalm 34: 4 - 8

I Want to Remember...

I begin this post inspired by a blog I read yesterday by Katrina Kenison, author of the book The Gift of an Ordinary Day.  In it, she wrote about the changing of summer into fall and all the things she wants to remember about summer.  You see, her children are grown and leaving her home.  There are so many wonderful times shared this summer and she doesn't want to see them fade into fall. 

So as I read, I began to think about all the things that I want to remember.  And I share them with you now.

I Want to Remember...

The sound of my mother singing the hymn In the Garden as she cooks dinner.

Playing wiffle ball in my childhood friend's front yard until dark.

Summers spent on Lake Jordan with the Davis family and my best friend, "little Amy."  And how sad I was when she moved away.

Sunday afternoons in my Mom's kitchen with my Uncle Charles sitting at my kitchen table (always with a glass of sweet tea in his hand).  The overwhelming pain when my mom called to say that the brain tumor had taken him home.

My childhood cat, Kitty, curled up on the back of the couch.

The drive to Tuscaloosa sprawled out in the backseat of my dad's car every other Friday night. 

Easter egg hunts at my grandmother's house and finding the Golden Egg filled with a $1 bill.

Shelling butter beans at my grandmother's kitchen table until my fingers turned green.

The way Bailey, my shitzu for 14 years, would greet me at the door.  And the look of reassurance he gave me as he took his last breath.

Helping my grandmother make butterscotch pies and the sound of her giggling as I struggled to stir the pot fast enough.

The way I felt when the infertility doctor said, "I think we need to start talking about adoption."  And then the indescribable emotion as I heard two babies crying for the first time in the delivery room.

The first time I held Macy, in the NICU at Women's and Children's Hospital, three weeks after she was born.

The look on that same little girl's face when I told her Daddy said we could have a puppy!

The sound of Matt singing "Nothing can separate me from Your love" in his room as he plays his Xbox.

The pride I felt when Matt told me he prayed and asked Jesus to live in his heart.  And the excited way he shared this news with Macy.

The joy in my dear friend's voice as she told me her Mama was cancer-free.

The joy in my own sister's voice when she was "cured" of cancer after five years of living cancer-free.

The way Macy and Harris look curled up on his bed while she reads to him.

The smile on Harris' face when he spotted me in carpool on that first day of school.

The first time I held my niece Ava, thinking that I couldn't love a baby more.

Holding my friend as she cried over a husband that decided he didn't want to be married anymore.  And then the sound of the same friend's joy as she realized God's greater plan for her and her little ones.

Bailey, a 1st grader at a local inner-city school, when she told me that she didn't have crayons at home to finish coloring her paper after school. 

K'Dorian, a classmate of Bailey's, whose tonsils were so infected she could hardly breathe. 

My grandfather, at age 91, whispering to me that he thought I was a terrific mother.

The first time I met Scott and the way I instantly had to know more about him.

How overwhelmed with happiness I felt when we walked hand-in-hand out of that church on our wedding day.

The complete surprise when I realized I was pregnant with a third child without any infertility treatments.  And the connection I felt with my doctor when he said "Miracles happen everyday. Our God is so good."

The way my grandfather squeezed my hand as I read the cards attached to flowers at my grandmother's funeral.

Christmas mornings with toys, candy, and love overflowing from my living room.

The story Matt and Macy's teachers told about them hugging on the playground their first day of school in separate classes.

Macy's face as she raced down the zipline at GA camp.

How nervous I was to sit in a college classroom at age 35.

Catching sand crabs at the beach.

Watching fireworks on the beach on the 4th of July with my kids.

The look on Macy's face as she spotted Cinderella's castle for the first time.

The accomplishment I felt when all three of my kids were potty-trained!

Singing in my grandmother's church during Vacation Bible School.

Riding the tractor with my grandfather.

Picking strawberries with my kids and thinking of my grandmother.

The very first "I wuv you" from each of my kids.

Every first step, first word, first day of school, first basehit, first dance recital, first soccer goal.

Painting Macy's nails and the smile on her face when they look "sparkly" enough.

How Matt and Macy "talked" to each other at age 15 months from across their cribs.  And how even now, they seem to be able to finish each other's sentences and thoughts.

Pulling that first tooth and realizing it meant my babies were growing up.

Realizing all of a sudden my mother wasn't so stupid after all.  And how I loved having her around.

That even grown up sisters can laugh and stick their tongues out at each other.

Hand-cranking the ice cream maker on my grandfather's back deck.

Going to the beach after high school graduation and trying to hold on to those friendships for one more summer. 

My children meeting  Lynn (my life-long best friend) and her family. 

The smell of cookies in my kitchen and three little ones gathered around the kitchen table.

That true friendship is when your friend calls to tell you that your boyfriend has a new girlfriend and you didn't know it.  And then bringing you dinner because he knew you couldn't face the world alone.

Standing in Bryant Denny as a freshman in college and yelling Roll Tide! And then standing in the same football stadium and realizing how fortunate I am to have parents that value education.

That sometimes God takes away to make room for more.



This list could go on and on.  There are so many people, events, and things in my life that I want to remember.  When I finally meet my Jesus face to face, these are the things I will thank Him for.  These (and so many more) are the blessings that have made me who I am. 

You can find Katrina's blog at www.katrinakenison.com/blog)

What a Week!

Well it's finally Friday which means the Brownings have officially completed the first full week of school.  We are all exhausted.  Our afternoons are again busy with carpool lines, homework, gymnastics, football practice (more on that later), church, piano lessons, and somewhere in there we manage to eat and sleep.  Matthew and Macy have slipped back into the routine quite nicely and Harris, well, he's getting used to it.  It might take him a bit longer to figure out how to unwind from a long day of school without having a complete meltdown each day.  But he's working on it and we all know that he'll get used to the new routine soon enough. 

This week has been packed full.  Matt's asthma has flared up, so he's been back to the doctor for his wheezing.  We've ramped up his albuterol and added some steriods to help him get back into the swing of things.  To say that he is a little hyper would be an understatement.  The medicines really make him jittery and wild, but they are needed.  So for now, we are practicing our fruits of the spirit and emphasizing the self-control  :)

He missed lunch at school while at his doctor's appointment, so he and I enjoyed a very rare lunch alone together.  Here's a peek at my lunch date:

 

On the way back to school, this sweet boy told me that he "loved having lunch with just you Mama.  I wish it could be just the two of us more often."  At that moment, I realized that although being a twin is a wonderful gift from God, it does have some disadvantages.  Scott and I have always tried to make sure we spent time with Matt and Macy individually, but frankly, we've not done it enough lately.  Matt's gentle reminder made this Mama's heart smile :)  I am also determined to make sure he and I spend more time together.  I'm not sure how much longer he'll actually want to be seen with me in public.

 

Music and Missions kicked off Wednesday night at church with a "Going for the Gold" theme.  The kids dressed up like their favorite Olympic athletes.  We have a Gabby Douglas and two Michael Phelps:

 

 

At church, Macy won a gold medal in the shake your booty competition. She was able to shake ping pong balls out of the kleenex box tied around her waist faster than this sweet boy.  She was pumped to have beaten a boy!







To end this week, Matt's class sang on the Red Steps during chapel.  They did a great job! Here's a picture of us after the chapel service taken by Mrs. Barnard:

 

 

 

 

Matt and Macy have been reading Freckle Juice this week.  They made freckle juice at school today and developed blue freckles!!  They came home like this:

 

 



All in all, it was a great first week.  We plan to relax this weekend and get ready for Hurricane Isaac.  I am one blessed Mama whose cup continues to overflow.  And for these three, I am so grateful. 

 





Back to School...and New Beginnings

Summer got lost somewhere along the way.  My last blog post was Harris' last day of preschool and here I am ready to post pictures of his first day at St. Paul's.  We've had a very fun summer and I blame my lack of blogging on having too much fun with my kids to stop and type.  I'll be sure to post summer pics soon.

I've said for several months that I was ready for all three Browning children to be at the same school.  And I still am.  Here's a picture before we left for school:

And a few more...







But I think I underestimated the "mommy" in me...I was certainly not ready for this day to come.  I kept thinking this morning that Harris could not possibly be starting K4.  I seriously just brought him home from the hospital and now he's headed off to school with M&M.  Here's a look at our big school boy:

 Isn't he the cutest thing ever in that uniform?  I am so proud of him and know that he will have a great year in Miss Poole's class.  As we walked toward his classroom, he was so excited. 

We stopped outside the door to take this photo and I noticed that his mood had begun to change.  He definitely has a nervous smile in this photo!

Harris went right up to Mrs. Poole to give her his gift.  Thankfully, he was greeted with a great big HUG! 

Harris' new friend Jack offered to show him where to put his frog on the attendance lily pad :)  I know that sweet Jack was God's little helper for Harris today.  He was in need of a new friend and God provided!



When it was time to say goodbye, Mrs. Poole snapped this picture of us.  I'm not sure who was holding tighter...Harris or me :) 

Leaving Matthew and Macy was not nearly as difficult. I snapped a few pics as we walked to the 2nd grade classrooms upstairs:

 In fact, Matt asked me not to walk him to his room.  Sorry Matt, I am the Mama that will always want a picture on your first day of school!  And so, here it is.  Matt with Mrs. Barnard (his K4 teacher and now his 2nd grade teacher):

Sweet Macy is very excited about being in Miss Engelmeier's class.  She was more than okay with me taking this snapshot of her and Miss E:

Today was only a half-day for us and to be honest, I'm not sure I could have made it all day.  Harris jumped up and down and waved his biggest wave when he spotted me in carpool.  I can tell you that I was doing the same!  I've never been so happy to see my little man :)  He teared up a little when he got in the car, but you know what?  So did I.

Matt and Macy both said they had very good days and are already wishing it was tomorrow.  We had lunch with Daddy right after school and for that hour, having all five of the Brownings together at the same table, this mama's heart was whole again. 

 I know that each of the kids are going to have a fun-filled year.  And I will find joy in knowing that Scott and I have prepared them well for this short journey.